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It happens every year.   The holidays come around, bringing a flood of activity, food, social gatherings, and expenses.    For most of us, the holiday season is a bright and pleasant time - a time of celebration, a time of enjoyment and added closeness with those we love.

But what if things aren't so pleasant for you this year?  You get the Christmas cards and letters, featuring the bright smiles of families and couples.   You attend the Christmas parties, where everybody seems to be happy and connected with others.   You see the TV commercials and billboards and catalogs and online ads for an endless array of commercial products for sale, promising to delight loved ones and give happiness and good cheer.  

If things are not as you would desire in your own life, relationships, or financial standing, the trappings and images of the holidays can bring added pain.   Perhaps you are single, though you wish you weren't, and look wistfully at other couples laughing and smiling and exchanging gifts.   Perhaps you are in a marriage riddled by conflict or unresolved issues - and those Christmas card images of happy families bring you to tears with the contrast you experience in your own situation.   Maybe finances are tight this year, and all those ads remind you of what you wish you could buy for your kids and loved ones, but you can't.

If you have ever experienced feelings like this during the holidays, you are definitely not alone.   For many people, the pain of unmet expectations is never higher than during this season of "peace and good cheer."

If this is one of those holiday seasons that proves tough for you, perhaps the following suggestions can help:

Have you ever felt this way?  "I'm having a hard time forgiving.  I know I should - but I don't really know where to start."  Such feelings are very common, particularly among those who are feeling troubled or distressed in some way.

Such individuals feel the heavy weight of unforgiven offenses.   These hurts continue to bring pain long after the original offenses took place - sometimes years or even decades after.   Old resentments often breed ongoing problems with trust, closeness, and security in relationships.    They can interfere with sleep, contribute to depression, and trigger physical health issues.    They can get in the way of promising new relationships - because of deep suspicions and fears born of old hurts.   

Learning to forgive is one of the most important lessons in life.   Some people struggle with forgiving other people they have felt hurt by.   Others find it difficult to forgive themselves of old mistakes and weaknesses.   Some really struggle with forgiving God - feeling He has forgotten them, or abandoned them, or deprived them of something they valued highly.  Forgiving oneself and others is an essential ingredient for a serene and happy life.    Some simple steps can help get you started on this important journey:

Over the last several decades, LDS Church leaders have spoken out frequently about the many demands on our time,  and how they can turn our attention away from the most essential things.   With increasing frequency, they have offered counsel on how to simplify our lives, preserving time and energy for essential relationships and activities that can sustain us  in a busy, ever-more demanding world.

"No matter how fast I run, I just can't seem to keep up with everything."   "My life seems to be one crisis after another."   "Exercise?   Who has time for exercise?"   "I know we should really spend more time as a couple and family - but life is just too busy."

Ever felt this way?   Then you're not alone.  More and more people are in an overscheduled, overwhelmed condition that saps physical energy, reduces time for essential relationships,  and drains the joy out of life.   A few simple tips can help you trim the stress in your life, making more room for the things that matter most.

These are our favorite books on general emotional wellness.

1) Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment, by Martin Seligman

2) Lifebalance, by Linda Eyre, Richard Eyre

3) Emotional Intelligence: 10th Anniversary Edition; Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, by Daniel Goleman

For more books on this topic, please visit our Bookstore, and choose the category "Wellness-Emotional."

(All in PDF format) 

1) Building Blocks to Emotional Wellness   This 2-page handout outlines the major elements of emotional wellness.

2) Diet for Emotional Wellness    This one-page handout summarizes foods promoting emotional wellness with those that promote depression and other emotional disorders.

3) Education Week Outline, "Emotional Wellness"      Summarizes main points of Carrie's 4-hour course on emotional wellness; and provides references.    (LDS)